Post-Separation Mother's Day: Make It Work For You.

After a divorce or separation, some things change significantly. One of the changes that can take people by surprise is how days like Mother's Day are marked and celebrated. In today's blog post we outline some tips to help you cope with this change.

Can you have a Mother's Day without the kids?

Most couples, after a divorce or separation, decide on contact patterns and visiting arrangements. This could mean that on some occasions you might not be with your children on Mother's Day. With good communication and some forward planning, many couples manage to negotiate arrangements around special days to make sure that children spend days like Mother's and Father's Day with the appropriate parent. This is not always possible so begs the question, how do you have a Mother's Day without the children?

Plan ahead

If you know that Mother's Day falls on a day when you do not have your children, then open discussions early about changing contact arrangements. Swapping days or weekends can allow for a more traditional Mother's Day to take place. Perhaps by making a reciprocal agreement around Father's Day both parents can be kept happy. If this is not possible then some of our other tips might help you celebrate Mother's Day in your own way.

Mother's Day done differently!

Why not arrange your own Mother's Day on a day when you have your children? How about the following week or the week before? Plan a family activity which allows for you to have some quality family time. Perhaps plan a special meal – even get the kids to cook it for you? This can also avoid upsetting children who find it difficult to cope with their feelings if they do not get to spend Mother's Day with you.

Manage your expectations

Children are often aided in remembering and marking special days like Mother's Day. This assistance may not continue following a separation or divorce and may impact how any children mark this special day. You may be used to receiving presents and cards that are facilitated and financially supported by the other parent. You may need to adjust your expectations to take into account any lack of assistance. Perhaps encourage your children to explore other ways of showing their appreciation – a hug, a homemade card, or breakfast in bed – can all make someone feel special on Mother's Day.

An alternative Mother's Day

How about marking Mother's Day in a different way. Gather some friends and have a day of distraction. Not everyone finds Mother's Day easy. You may find that spending the day, or even part of it, with friends, sharing an experience or enjoying time away from any children, provides a significant distraction from the fuss of Mother's Day. Perhaps make the most of the time and do something that you could not do when you have the children?

Avoid social media

There is no doubt that on Mother's Day your social media feeds will be full of images of smiling mothers and angelic children celebrating their Mother's Day. This can be very upsetting but can be easily rectified. Why not undergo a digital detox for the day, and even a couple of days afterwards if you can. Avoid checking in on social media platforms where you know there is likely to be content that will upset you.

Take it for what it is

The last thing to consider is that Mother's Day is just that – a day! There is nothing inherently special about the day and not getting to spend it with your children does not make you any less of a mother, nor does it make your children love you any less. If you are going through a divorce or separation and would like assistance, then please contact us and find out from one of our family law experts how you can navigate the complicated world of family proceedings. Contact us on 0333 9205911 or fill out a call-back request to explore how we can assist you.

Written by Joanne Bennett